


I can be a Sue too

by meteoropera



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-10 22:29:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1165322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meteoropera/pseuds/meteoropera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which, I experience the life of a typical Mary Sue character, by inserting myself into the glorious lifestyle of Organization XIII.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I can be a Sue too

**Author's Note:**

> Rated M for heavy sarcasm and language. Written within 10 minutes after being undeniably forced to withstand a slur of badly written sue fics at work. 
> 
> Histrionic personality disorder can bring out the worst in me when I have to vet a row of fics written by sufferers of this and oh dear Kingdom Hearts, I died. I think. 
> 
> So please take this with a grain of salt. -_-'

It was a dark gloomy day in the World that never was to begin with.  
  
Yes, it was always a sad gloomy day because we just love to repeat things. The 2nd sentence have no relation to the actual story, however.  
  
In The World That Never Was (We have no idea who died and named this place, maybe Xemnas wasn't really that smart to begin with), there lived 14 beings known as the Organization XIII.

  
  
I know, I find it quite confusing that there are 14 people in their group and yet their name is still Organization XIII and not Organization XIV. The reason behind this simple ...stupid mishap involves the re-telling of the 358/2 Days game and I am not going to bother with that. Let's just say that the number XIII sounds awesome and cool and the Superior (Xemnas), decided to keep it at XIII.

  
Beside, member number XIV is not really a part of the team. She's just some unpaid cloned part timer they created, so that XII won't bitch about being the only pair of ovaries in there (we're still not sure if XIV is even male or female, same can be said for XI).

  
  
My current index number would be number XV, but the last I heard; they told me that I wasn't really part of the group. I'm just this awesome wallflower, like the previous line of fangirls who happened to fly into this world after some angst filled drama that happened to them.

  
  
Oh and did I tell you that I get to bang a few hot people here?

  
  
Maybe I shouldn't dwell on that part yet because I'm still trying to pick out which of these hot asses have the best skills in bed.

  
  
In TWTNW (because I'm so damn lazy to keep on typing "The world that never was" ), daylight is non-existent. On top of that, there is also something me, Larxene, Xion, shares. Bipolarness.

  
  
One minute, weather's effing cold and the next, it's burning.

  
  
Most of the time, it's totally sub zero. That probably explains why we get to wear these awesome PVC coats. I was told it was genuine leather but if that is so, I wonder how in the world did it managed to survive the washing machine.

  
  
Maybe, the Organization has invested in a magical washing machine. I mean, it IS Disney so shit must be quite possible there. It has to be if two mice are able to create a kingdom.

  
  
You probably must be wondering, how the fuck I got here too. I know most of you are jealous that I get to service some sweet ass cheeks here but maybe after reading this shitty story, chances are, you can probably take my woeful place here before I get too loose down there.

  
  
The story of how I got here was a weird one - like all Sue stories of course.

  
  
I was getting irritated at someone. For the life of me, I couldn't remember what I was getting irritated at that douchebag for, but I think it involved many common everyday things raging from stress, unicorns, Twilight, PMS, not having enough sex time to how some people fall in and out of love faster than me falling in and out of various part time jobs.

  
  
I can be quite a bitch.

  
  
Maybe that's why me and Larxene (No. XII) Get along well, because we're both bitches. She tortures and torments Namine (No. 0) and I torment my siblings at home.

  
  
Heh, maybe we can even switch victims sometimes, wouldn't that be awesome?

  
  
We've already tried switching weapons (her Kunais for my keyblade. Of course I have to wield a fucking keyblade, I'M A SUE AFTER ALL =D) and the result were fucking awesome!  
  
Plus, our choice of vocabulary and vulgarity is more or less the same anyways. We really bonded well and our favourite past time also includes watching Vexen (I'm getting tired of putting these Roman Numerals in brackets) getting mauled by his wife er...um, I mean, Marluxia. Half the time, we had to restrain them both because if one of them were killed (or severely mauled), that would be a big time blow to the entire team.

  
  
Marluxia cooks and garden and half of our weed- um er...I mean FOOD, comes from his garden. Zexion, our resident emo, could also cook but half the time, he would be angsting over "what ifs" and sometimes, it really grates on my nerves because I'm sure he would make a fantastic pair with my little sister.

  
  
Vexen is the only one who knows how to really fix you up physically if you are really injured (oh boy, I know, it is fucking freaky. Which is why we try our damnest not to come back in 20 different pieces because I still kinda remembered how well that PAP smear test went with him. I think, he still had that scar from my 3 inch boots connecting to his cranium).

  
  
Now, if we kill both of them off or let them kill each other, we would have no cook or no medic and ...no food.  
  
No food = starvation.  
  
Sure, these guys are neither dead nor alive but hell, they eat as if they're still alive. Or maybe they're just pigs.

  
  
Unfortunately, there are no take aways or Chinese take outs here. So if one of our cooks decided to emo (Zexion) and throws a hissy fit (Marluxia), we would have to open a Dark Corridor and portal our ass to the nearest town and either steal grub from Maleficent's castle or buy something from Twilight Town.

  
Ah well, that's food issues. Now, back to my story telling of how I got into this awesome team.  
  
So basically, someone uh this douchbag, right, tried to one up me and I ended up whooping said douchbag instead in a huge fist fight.  
  
I couldn't really remember who was winning but come to think of it, I think I came out victorious because I am a sue. 

 

Until I said, "Fuck this." Because I'm am immature puberty raging brat. 

 

Stomped up to my room and lo and behold, some hooded figure was there, in my empty hallway.

  
Holy Mother of Christ - said hooded figure was standing there in a dark corner under the stairs, trying to look like something from paranormal activities: The things that never made it on screen.

  
For a moment, I thought it was a cosplay robbery- wait....would a cosplayer be that thick to rob in a cosplay costume?

  
Hell, that scythe looked fucking awesome!

  
  
"The hell are you? You're not one of my little sister's many friends of friends, right?" I asked, preparing to pepper spray this son of a bitch to death.

  
  
The figure made no move.

  
  
"Johnathan, if you think that this is going to cheer me up, I'm- oh wait, Johnathan never cheers me up by crossdressing or cosplaying o_O He'll make me watch episodes of the Guy with glasses." I said to no one in particular, like the schizophrenic bitch I am.

  
  
Before I could utter a word, said figure raced up at me with blinding speed and landed a blow to my side hip. The toyish looking prop was sharp and it cut through my hip.  
  
MY HIP! MY MOTHER FUCKING HIP! And DAMN that hurt! Doesn't this cosplayer know that I need my hips for belly dance class!

  
  
Actually, that wasn't the thought that went through my head at the head of the moment. It took me quite a while to realize that this fucker was actually a SERIAL KILLER and they are hiding their weapons IN the form of an innocent looking prop!

  
  
Said serial killer moved at blinding speed as well. Even with my basic martial art moves, I was defenseless.  
  
Anyone would've been, if said target started using magic.

  
  
Enter - sweet oblivion - for I probably got my cranium bashed repeatedly against that scythe, till I was forced to take a nap.  
  
When I woke up, I was in this bed, with this hot bitch staring at me.

  
  
She looks exactly like Marluxia-  
  
Oh wait.

  
  
IT IS Marluxia.

  
  
"Nice Cosplay." I complimented. "I really like how that wig is."

  
  
Hey, give me a break, I was just beaten over the head with a real scythe cosplaying as a fake scythe and now I'm in a room with this bunch of cosplayers who are actually serial killers in disguise.

  
  
The cosplayer (assumed, cosplayer) gave me this look which clearly said 'WTF' before speaking. "Cosplay?"

  
  
His voice was laced with quite a light accent of some kind. I don't know but I'd so want to hear him moan in bed underneath me, with that voice. But that would just be plain cheating because I'm engaged.

  
  
"Ya know, cosplay?" I continued, sitting up. "...I need an aspirin. Even better, paracetamol."

  
  
"Roxas found you outside our door."

 

"Excuse me, your _pinky flower boy_ here hit me with his scythe and now you're making this bullshit up!?"

  
  
You know, your life has been totally fucked when you find yourself in a fictional world, Sue style.  
  
I began planting my head against the metal railing of the bed, attempting to wake myself up.  
  
Marluxia made no attempt to stop me because he probably thinks that I've lost it. Or maybe he just couldn't be bothered. Or he's a sadist. 

  
  
"When you are quite done adding onto your cranium injury, do call for me and I will take you to Xemnas." With a graceful (read: Dramatic) turn of his slender body, he walked out of the room.

  
  
Roxas found me here?

  
  
Wait, so the person who knocked me out was an impostor!

  
Great.

 

And so begins my life as a sue in a fictional world of my choice.  
 

**Author's Note:**

> Don't even bother, chapter 2 will never arrive.


End file.
